| A day in the life of a fool |
[Mar. 2nd, 2007|12:15 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | the camelot | ] |
| [ | Right now I'm feeling: |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | Song of the Moment: |
| | rajaton - butterfly | ] |
So recent conversations have compelled me to believe that an update might be in order. I'm in a really good place right now, I think. I'm behind on a lot of stuff because I had all these aspirations of doing a zillion things over Reading Break, but instead I work full time and caught up on quality time with my homies. Cairan and I watched way too much 24, Lauren and I had some crazy late nights on the town, Amanda and I hosted a really fun party at my house, and I sight read Tchaikovsky 4 in orchestra. Since then, I've been practicing like a mofo because it's fucking hard! But in a delightful, exciting way. So even though I didn't get a lot done, I really feel as though Reading Break did me good.
Three is so the magic number for me. I'm working three shifts a week, taking three classes, and I'm in three ensembles. I'm still busy, but I'm doing well in all my classes, and enjoying the music I'm playing. Work is going really well, Romin told me he's never seen closes as good as mine, and last nights shift was killer. Kulbir's average check was nearly $10! I told her to suggestive sell and she loves me and went to town. Kulbir is such a sweetheart... she brings me samosas on my shifts and when I was sick she like mothered me. I work with some awesome kids too, and I like the rest of the management team. That's not to say that there aren't things about work that make me angry, or that I'm going to stay with McDonald's forever, but for right now, I'm quite content. This will be my last semester working, and then next year I'm doing only school. My dad's taking my car this weekend, so from now till the end of August all my money will go towards paying tuition and stuff for next year. Scary. I'll miss having money to spare, having extra cha ching this year was nice. Like how cool is it to be able to blow $90 on shoes and not even have to worry about it?
This last few months have taught me that I actually am quite musical and know what I'm talking about and have musical opinions that matter. My big failure last April left me feeling inadequate for a long time, and those feelings stopped me from remembering why I liked music so much in the first place. Singing and playing and listening to some beautiful and brasstastic music has fixed that. I started to play the Tuba again for Symphonic Winds, and that has been so much fun. It takes so much air I feel dizzy afterwards, it's great, it's like being high but without having to pay for drugs. I'm looking forward to my Music Ed interview, I'm anticipating it will go well. As far as math goes, I'm taking it easy, only doing Stats this semester. I'm making up for only taking three classes by taking some summer classes. CSC 115 will be scary seeing as it's been two years since I took CSC 110... ah well. I'll pimp out my comp sci friends for help.
Peace out, homes. |
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| To sum up what I learned this holiday season... |
[Dec. 27th, 2006|02:13 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | dad`s in richmond | ] |
| [ | Right now I'm feeling: |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | Song of the Moment: |
| | the furnace | ] |
I think the hardest thing to do in life is to initiate, maintain and ultimately loose relationships.
Who should we choose to let into our lives initially? Should we seek people out or expect them to magically appear?
When time and distance, or other events, separate two people, what happens then? Do you maintain the relationship, or let it slip away? When is "not enough time" a sad reality, and when is it an excuse for the fact you have nothing in common anymore? How can you care so deeply for people, and hold memories of time spent with them so dear to your heart, but be faced with them and have nothing to say?
I feel this Christmas has brought me closer to some people, reaffirmed relations with others, and effectively ended other relationships. How much of that was me failing, and how much of that was fate? Mom, Jessica, Jerico, Cassandra F, Jon, Kyle, Timshel, Miranda, Duncan, Stephen, Chantelle, Darci... The list is so uncomprehensive yet already it is so very long. I love everyone I know and ideally would love to be close to everyone, to have things in common with everyone, to spend time with every one. But there is just not enough time in the day for that to even be feasible. So I am stuck making decisions. Some concious, some not. Some as a result of a deliberate thought or effort, others decided for me by a social fuck-up.
There's a lot of cliches out there about relationships: Friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. We are all missing pieces that yearn to be part of a larger whole, but as we grow, that whole will always change; we have to learn to roll with who we are and only then can we roll with others. La dee da. |
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| who wants to eat britney spears? (recipe ignore) |
[Dec. 23rd, 2006|08:22 pm] |
britney's spears
asparagus clump
olive oil
minced garlic
balsamic vinegar
pepper
cream cheese salt pepper
parmesan cheese
preheat oven to 450 trim rough ends off aspar. spray a small cookie sheet w cooking spray. arrange in a single layer drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle with garlicf mix as around a bit to make sure they're well coated with oil and garlic roat for 12 to 15 don't overcook sprinkle w vinegar cheese |
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| what a fucking idiot |
[Dec. 10th, 2006|08:09 am] |
| [ | Right now I'm feeling: |
| |  angry | ] |
| [ | Song of the Moment: |
| | all the heavy metal in the world played at the same time | ] |
Okay, so most of the time, I love my job. I work with some really cool kids and not kids. Sometimes Greg Garcia's antics make my life. Colleen is absolutely hilarious. Anne is a sweetheart. Marnie is like an aunt or something. Bre was frustrating on a shift because she was lazy, but ultimately she would do work if you asked and what's more important is that she is a really cool kid. I can usually find good in anyone, no matter how stressed I am. But oh my fucking god. Today I just about lost it. Actually I did, I freaked out on the kid. Who shall remain nameless. I think the kid has about 2 braincells, really.
Okay, so he's lazy. Fair enough, I work with lots of people like that. So I tell him to do stuff that needs to get done. I mean, if you're at work, and not working, you should expect that your manager is probably going to ask you to do stuff. Now, I didn't ask him to do stuff in a mean way either, I pleased and thank youed and "awesome, thanks!"ed away. Nothing I initially asked him to do was unreasonable for a close. That's what closers DO... clean and stock up for the next day.
Anyways, I had to get him to redo this mop like five times... and I'm not talking about me being picky over one or two tiny spots. I'm talking about a huge, dried up spill of coffee that was very obvious against the red tiles, and very obviously not clean. How he considered like wiping the mop over it "clean" I have no idea, as like four times when I asked him if he had finished, he said "yes". And then I went to look and it was still dirty! This process continued with every single thing I asked him to do all night. )@#(*_@)#)_@#)(_(_
And just other little things. Like as soon as he punched in to start work, he asked if he could pay for a flurry and eat it. I said "sure... on your break" WHICH is not unreasonable... lobby was still a mess and we still had customers. Ten minutes later, I found him eating a mcflurry... which he didn't even pay for. I got so mad. Like, the thing is, I probably would have let him have the flurry anyways as soon as we weren't busy and things were under control. I do cool things on my shift all the time like have a pie break or something and let everyone have pies and ice cream and take a mass break for a few minutes. It was the fact that he blatently disregarded my authority... over something that again, was not unreasonable in the first place. So.
1) At work, gee whiz. EXPECT TO WORK.
2) Dirty is just gross, man.
3) Don't fucking lie.
4) If you're going to half ass stuff, half ass the stuff that doesn't really matter and your manager won't notice! At least then they won't die of stress!
Needless to say, I came home and had a shot straight away, followed by like half a litre of cookie dough ice cream. FUCKING HELL! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 5th, 2006|08:05 am] |
I'm updating. HA!
Plus I'm accidently drunk. Whops. Christmas work party ended up at Ashely and Nolan's and Nolan and I started mixing drinks and then my ride wanted to go so I had to go then I got home and I was drunk and saw your message. So I updated! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2006|08:15 am] |
I usually keep tutor-tutee information confidential, however...
I'm tutoring Forrest Wong in math. Oh how paths are reunited. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 5th, 2006|02:26 am] |
So:
I'm untalented, stupid, and poor.
Once again, at least I'm not addicted to heroin. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 28th, 2006|10:30 pm] |
B-! I got a B-! MATH 233C DIDN'T EAT ME ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!
And my daddy is here! And he's got my car working!
So what if I have zero dollars and owe various people $600 and I can't get a job because I'm playing with a Youth Orchestra in the Yukon for two weeks. I'll find a job when I get back, work my ass off, and just suck it up. THe end is in sight! Things are looking up! YAY OPTIMISM!
And I work Sunday and am tutoring wednesday which will alleiviate my debt.
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
That B- made my life. Serioius. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 25th, 2006|09:49 pm] |
| [ | Right now I'm feeling: |
| |  crushed | ] |
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!!!
dammit everything! why must you go wrong now!?!??! broke, dumb, screwed, homeless, untalented, sucky, bitchyness, accidently hurting feelings and being cryptic, why must you all attack me now!?
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuuuuuuuuuck |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 21st, 2006|12:23 am] |
| [ | Right now I'm feeling: |
| | content | ] |
| [ | Song of the Moment: |
| | Cavatine - Saint-Saens | ] |
Audition in 8 hours. I still haven't decided what to wear. Although I've already decided I'm going to crimp my hair because I have a crimper I never use. And I have a sparkly pink flower hair thing I felt compelled to purchase from Kim at Claire's. All of this is irrelevent.
Smoothies make everything better.
Is it lame I paid $7 for a cab from mackenzie and shelbourne to my house? I had my trombone and groceries and the hills looked scary. Oh and I was miserable.
Oh, the pink lacey top!
Now that I've decided, this post has no point. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 19th, 2006|09:25 pm] |
Today when I was doing dishes, I opened the cupboard and Kaile's dishes were gone. Something that sounds like no big deal, I know. But that's when it hit me. This weekend, everyone is moving. A week after that I'm moving. This house, these people, will be hard to forget. There were good times, fun times, angry times, silly times, emotional times and sad times. Nothing beats a house where you can come home on a friday to a keg. Or just one of the many parties. And the porn wall. I know I'll probably never have another one. And the quote wall. This was the first time in my life where I really felt grown up. Res was like living in a hotel room for 8 months. This is the first bedroom I've really felt was mine. The teal carpets probably had something to do with that.
All this talk of the house is making me reminice about the whole year. It's been a journey alright. I've made lots of new friends. Made dumb mistakes and lost some. Lost touch with others. Regained touch with some more.
AHH I HAVE SO MUCH CRAP! Why did I think harry potter glasses and baby wee were worth keeping? JESSICA WHY DID YOU LET ME KEEP BABY WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 2nd, 2006|01:56 pm] |
I want to crawl in a music hole and die. I'm listening to the Mike Keddy thing, and see, I already knew when I was performing the stupid piece I was off tuning wise, but all I could hear was Justin and Joe and it was going bad and I was confused and bad and knew I was bad which made me nervous which made me not breath, and even though I was not the only one that didn't play perfect, I feel soooooo bad and and I want to die.
I had so much fun (and drank so much beer) on our little Vancouver band trip though. Way cool. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 22nd, 2006|11:47 pm] |
| [ | Right now I'm feeling: |
| |  nauseated | ] |
| [ | Song of the Moment: |
| | Such Sweet Thunder Suite - Duke Ellington | ] |
Groups, rings, and fields, oh my!
The most frustrating part is that I don't even really need this course. I'm completely unmotivated and uninterested. But it would be lame to drop it, because I already dropped a course this semester. I'm trying really hard to care, but unfortunately, I just don't. I can barely motivate myself to go to class most of the time! I'll be completely satisfied with a pass. That sounds so bad! Why don't I care anymore?? Ugh. Oh well.
Today Michelle was telling a story about some ugly untalented chick who tried 2 years in a row to get into drama, and this year someone pulled her aside and told her to find a new major, because she just didn't have what it takes. I'm so scared that that's me. I seem to alternate between days when I feel like I'm getting better and am making progress and have a chance, and days like right now where I'm scared to death. Most people seem to think I have a pretty good chance of getting in, but I'm not sure if they're just saying that cuz they like me. I really wish I could just wake up tomorrow and be like "I'm going to be a virtuoso!" and just do it. Lol, I don't care what Jim says, it ain't that easy! I have less than a month, and so much to work on.
But anyways back to why I'm doing this... So yesterday in theory we celebrated Bach's 321st birthday with cake and balloons and his music and everything. And we learned about this cool progression that is in EVERYTHING... so cool. Yay descending fifths in the bass! And today we rehearsed a big band chart Julie and Carli kennedy wrote... so much fun! And so cool, knowing the composers, playing with them right there! Oh music... *rocks out to Duke* |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 12th, 2006|10:43 pm] |
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kegs = magic beer fountains. |
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| lol |
[Feb. 28th, 2006|01:17 am] |
| [ | Right now I'm feeling: |
| |  amused | ] |
A year and a half later, I'm still on Ho-bag Amanda's list of dislikes on Nexopia. I'm flattered! |
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| boys=milk |
[Feb. 21st, 2006|03:27 pm] |
Wow, when was the last time I said anything here?
So it's reading break, and instead of partying it up and seeing lots of people, I've been studying. Okay, so I have seen people, and bought copious amounts of clothes. However, I've made myself practice and study everyday. More practice than study. I'm pretty scared about this GVYO audition, although I have no clue when it is!
More and more I'm starting to feel my life is pretty pointless. I know I'm a workaholic, but I feel like I can't quit anything. I tried to quit music stuff, but couldn't find subs. I ended up dropping a class though. I was actually failing it! Yikes. But all this droppingness... leaves me unfulfilling the whole reason I came to UVIC: to become a math and music teacher. I need credits, silly me. I know it's a lame goal, but it was the best idea I could come up with, and I really do like teaching. Not being in teh music school means that doing what I want to do will take way long, ie: a major in Education and a double minor. If I get into the music school, I can major in music ed and minor in math. I pretty much have my minor in math out of the way. Anyways, so this means lots of work getting into the music school. There's only 2 or 3 spots, and there's already been a really strong audition. Ugh. If I wasn't working, things would be simpler, but I can't quit work either! This scholarship is so frustrating. I mean, it would be one thing if I was a manager like I should be by now, but Mike won't promote me... because I'm in school. And I can't very well quit work, because then I can't afford rent... which means lots of hours, because McDonald's doesn't pay me enough. BOO! HISS! Catch 22's.
Also: I made $8,000+ last year. Where the fuck did it go!?!?!?!?!?! I've never had to pay for tuition (scholarships)... so I guess car in the summer and rent?
Oh, and I still make stupid decisions. Although, funny story, my first stupid decision boy's best friend is dating one of my good friends. Small world. But see, they never feel like a bad idea at the time, in fact, they feel quite good, hence the lack of thinking. I'm vocally impatient and don't think before I speak, and apparently I don't think before I do either. But no regrets really, I still maintain all my stupid decisions were quite logical at the time. However, I should probably stop making them. But hey, it's kind of like how I'm supposed to drink milk: I know if I do drink it, it will be good for me, however, I despise milk. Similarly, I know I should think before I speak or make not so good boy decisions, but that just sucks all the fun out of it. So, in conclusion, boys are like drinking milk.
But I haven't drank milk for a while, I should get on that. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 12th, 2006|04:23 pm] |
| [ | Right now I'm feeling: |
| | sad | ] |
So Buffy just killed Angel and I cried and now I wish I saved this episode for roomate-time cuz I'm all "awwwwwwww..... :(". Yes. |
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| so i'm home... |
[Jan. 2nd, 2006|01:06 am] |
| [ | Right now I'm feeling: |
| | grossed out and pissed off | ] |
A messy house is one thing.
A dirty, mouldy house is quite another.
Certain things I acknowledge are just as much my fault. I think the major problem is that we never sat down and said "so and so is responsible for this", so nobody was responsible for the chore, so it never got done. Either way, I was twitching when I came home to the kitchen. It was quite simply gross. I mean, one beer bottle I remember Alia bringing to our FIRST party, in SEPTEMBER.
I finally finished sorting through the mouldy recycling though. My dad is taking me to the recycling place tomorrow, yay. As for the mouldy-soup in the fridge, that can wait until tomorrow. And the mouldy dishes are Justin's and he DID say before he went to bed he was going to clean up his stuff tomorrow. And my daddy checked the fireplace and it's fine to burn stuff in, so that's where all the paper recycling went. *is a bad person for burning recycleables*
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *twitch*
I haven't even got to play with my new iPod yet! *excitement* |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 11th, 2005|03:41 pm] |
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Living with friends and working is hard. I'ts 4pm and sunday and I haven't done my homework! Bad. |
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